


Falling

by Dreamers



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-06
Updated: 2014-03-06
Packaged: 2018-01-14 18:21:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1276270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreamers/pseuds/Dreamers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I've loved you once.<br/>I love you now.<br/>I'll love you always.</p><p>Luhan fell for someone he shouldn't have. He fell for him even though he knows he shouldn't. But still he loves Sehun. He loves him even if he was the worst decision of his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falling

"And last but not least Mr. Lu has the highest score again." The professor, Ms. Lee, stated proudly as she sat the last test on the desk in front of the said boy who was beaming happily at the red markings on his test. 

He did it again. It wasn't anything new or out of the ordinary but it always made him happy to see that all the studying is paying off and that he is getting one step closer to a good and respected collage with the grades he is keeping up. And with that insuring him a good future with a lot of options. Which is exactly what he wants.

"You did great Luhan. But that is nothing new is it? Keep up the good work." The professor praised him in a hushed voice before turning to get back to her desk.

"Thank you Ms. Lee." Luhan replied with a sweet smile making everyone else in the classroom groan.

Luhan is goodie two shoes and every teachers pet. It made his classmates more than just a little annoyed. Especially because he always ended up getting special treatment because of it. And a few minutes later when they had to do an assignment that Luhan was so easily excused from they were all cursing him to hell.

Not that he cared. He couldn't care less about his classmates. All he was concerned with are his studies and grades. There was no time for trivial things. That's why Luhan never went out with his friends or spent time having fun as the others did. He rather opted for spending all of his free time studying. It was a small price to pay for a good future he wanted. He had a plan and he was sticking to it.

Good grades, good collage, graduating with honors, getting a job with good pay, living the rest of his life in easy routine and with no worries. 

It may seem boring to anyone else but to Luhan that small list meant everything. Because the destination is important here. The end result. And for someone like him who has lived his whole life with parents that didn't have enough for food most days and had to worry if they will have a roof over their heads the next week, and often didn't, stability meant everything. So Luhan's main goal was to work heard and earn it no matter what anyone else thought of him.

Luhan was taking the books he needs next out of his locker. Ignoring the loudness that surrounded him like he always does. That is until a crash could be heard right next to him, making him jump back startled and almost fall over in the process.

As he looked up to see what is happening he definitely didn't expect to see a boy being pushed hard onto the locker next to his. Laughter erupted in the hallway as the boy winced in pain from the contact his back made with the hard surface.

Luhan glanced over the boy, taking his appearance. He was tall and pale. Seemingly flawless skin interrupted by purple bruises here and there, brown hair an absolute mess. But still the boy managed to look good even like that. His handsome face making Luhan unable to look away. 

Who is this boy? I never saw him before; Luhan thought, still too entranced to look away even though he knew he should. He just couldn't.

"Fuck off!" The boy suddenly growled at the ones who pushed him. Finally startling Luhan out of his thoughts. He shook his head to clear it, seeing the mysterious boy quickly compose himself and push through the gathering crowd as fast as possible. Obviously wanting to get away.

Luhan had a strange urge to call after him. To go after the boy that he didn't even know the name of, but before he could even comprehend it the boy was gone. Nowhere in sight. So with a sigh and another shake of his head Luhan finally gathered his things and made his way to his next class. Pushing the weird feeling the new boy just awoken to the farther corner of his mind. Just wanting to forget all of this even happened. Not understanding what just happened anyway. 

It's not worth his time. He has more important things to worry about.

A week has passed since the locker incident and everything was as normal as ever for Luhan. As more time passed he almost managed to forget all about it. Forget all about the pale boy. Almost. However no matter how much he tried to get him out of his head he couldn't. There was just something about the brown haired boy that made him unable to forget. Something that made the boys face flash in front of his eyes at the most random of times. 

It made him more than a little agitated because it was cutting into his study time. He couldn't concentrate that much anymore because the boy was always there. At the edge of his thoughts. Waiting for him to slip in his concentration. And that just wont do.

He was thinking about him too much. Pondering on the thoughts of why he can't forget him occupying his mind more often than not. And that's not good. Thoughts of the stranger cutting into his study time isn't good. Not good at all.

Someone bumped into Luhan's back hard. Startling him out of his thoughts and making him stumble forward, almost falling as he did. That is if there weren't strong hands catching him just in time and keeping him on his feet.

Straightening quickly Luhan looked up to thank whoever it was that caught him only to stop breathing for a second as his eyes met cold brown ones. Brown eyes of a boy that he hasn't been able to get out of his mind the whole week.

The second they made eye contact the boy let go of him without a word and turned to leave. But before he was able to even take a step away something in Luhan snapped seeing as his hand was now holding onto the strangers wrist tightly. Enabling him to go.

They both just stood there for a few moments. Seemingly both holding their breaths. Silent and unmoving. The boy not turning around and Luhan not letting go while he just stared into his tense back.

He had no idea why he did it. All he knew is that something about his cold eyes and unemotional face made him not want to let go. There was a bad feeling at the pit of his stomach that he just couldn't shake off. Something about his coldness. He looked too cold. Too numb. It wasn't natural. And it definitely wasn't a good sign. Luhan just couldn't let go.

He didn't have much of a choice in the matter though. As soon as he opened his mouth to speak, say something, anything, the boy snatched his arm out of his grip and hurried away as fast as possible so he can get away. Away from Luhan who couldn't do anything but watch him go in shock. Unable to get the sight of what he just saw out of his mind. 

So he just stared because he saw something he didn't expect when the hand was snatched away. Scars. Those were definitely scars lingering on the pale skin of the boys forearm. Cuts that were reviled as his sleeve rode up a little in the haste to get out of his grip. And now it was all Luhan could see.

He didn't expect to see this. He didn't wish to see it. He wishes he didn't. He really does.

Luhan tried finding the boy after getting over his indicial shock. Ignoring his studies the first time in his life because the bad feeling just won't go away. He suddenly felt nauseous. The brown eyes, those cold emotionless eyes seemed to be tattooed permanently into his mind. For some reason he couldn't forget them. He just couldn't.

Eventually though he had to stop looking and face the truth. The boy was nowhere to be seen. He couldn't ask anyone because he didn't even know his name. Plus class was starting again. And no matter how much he wanted-No; needed to find him he just couldn't afford to miss class. He had his future to think about. And there was a big chance he's not even on the school grounds anymore anyway. 

So with an incredibly heavy heart Luhan found himself walking towards his next classroom. The boy not leaving his mind even for a second.

It was half an hour later when he heard it. The sirens of an ambulance.

The bad feeling intensified by a tenfold and he couldn't care about class anymore as he found himself on his feet and running out of the classroom door without any explanations. Without as much as a glance towards his teacher as he called after him. No, he didn't have time for that. 

This was about the boy. He just knew it. He didnt know how but he just did. Something was wrong. So terribly wrong.

He stopped like frozen as he got to one of the toilets. Following where some teachers were running. And someone was calling after him but it was just background noise. He didn't care. He couldn't give a fuck as all he could see was red. So much red.

There was a pool of blood running through the now open door. So much blood. So so much blood.

And as he made his way closer on numb legs he could see him. Unconscious on the floor with a sleeve rode up to revile an arm covered in red from the fresh cuts. Standing out even more compared to his pale skin. 

It was wrong. The whole picture was wrong. Everything was so wrong. 

The boy wasn't supposed to be like this. He wasn't supposed to look so broken. He wasn't supposed to be so broken. It was all wrong.

Paramedics pushed him out of the way as they rushed inside to the boys aid. Leaving Luhan to look inside with dazed eyes. His mind unable to cope with just how wrong it was to see someone so perfect so broken. He didn't deserve this. No one deserved this. The red isn't supposed to be there. The scars aren't supposed to cover that pale skin painting it crimson.

This isn't supposed to be happening.

Someone was calling him again but now they were shaking him too. Luhan looked up to see his teacher there. She was asking him something but he couldn't hear it. There was a loud buzzing sound in his ears. And it just wouldn't go away. But Luhan couldn't care less. Not as his eyes were glued to the paramedics that were getting the limp boy on a stretcher as fast as possible. Trying to stop the bleeding too but it seemed to be too much blood.

So much blood.

Luhan watched as they rushed him out and towards the ambulance so he can be taken to the hospital. He was still dazed. The buzzing still there. Pictures of what he just saw flashing in front of his eyes as he was taken somewhere to sit by someone. He didn't even pay attention to where he was, with whom or what is happening. He couldn't. All he wanted to do right then is throw up. He just felt like throwing up.

Later that day news came of the boy. He was okay. They got to him just in time. He lost a lot of blood but he will live.

That was the first time that Luhan heard his name.

Sehun.

 

* * *

 

A year has passed. A whole year after 'the incident' as it is being called in school. A year and still nothing changed in Luhan's life other then the fact that he is in his last year of high school now.

However he still can't forget the boy, Sehun.

They haven't talked even once. They don't know each other and Sehun can't possibly even know who Luhan is but he still can't forget. There is just something about him that Luhan can't pinpoint but it's not letting him forget.

He tried telling himself that it is just a phase because of what he has seen and that it will pass soon enough but it has been a year.

Luhan has visited him once though. It was the day after Sehun was rushed to the hospital and Luhan himself didn't know why but still he found himself standing at the foot of a hospital bed staring at the sickly pale boy. The steady beeping of a machine next to the bed instead of being annoying was oddly comforting as he watched the other one sleep. It showed that Sehun is still breathing.

That fact alone affected the blond more than it should considering that he doesn't even know the boy but he didn't care at the moment. He's still alive and that's all that's important.

Luhan looked around the room for the first time since he came in and found it weird that the room was empty. There was no one there. No parents or friends. It was weird but it was also none of his business so he shrugged it off as he stepped closer until he was standing right next to him.

Now that he was closer and with that able to see him better for the first time he saw that he was right. Sehun was handsome. Even like this, even after everything he was very handsome. There was no doubt about it.

Luhan cherished his cheek lightly, not able to stop himself, not liking how cold it was either but was startled as Sehun's eyelids fluttered slightly.

Scared that he will wake up and see him there he quickly retreated his hand and hurried back to the door. He was just a stranger after all. There was no reason for him to be there.

He looked at the sleeping boy one last time before walking out of the door with a whisper of "Get better Sehunnie" and thoughts that maybe he doesn't want them to keep being strangers. That he really should talk to the boy when he gets out of the hospital. He definitely didn't want something like this to happen again. Sehun deserved better.

However Luhan never got the chance to do so. Sehun spent three weeks in the hospital and after that only came back to school for two days before disappearing all together. It was weird how suddenly he just didnt come to school without a word. Not even to drop out. He just stopped coming.

Days passed, weeks, months and still nothing.

No one asked why. No one cared really. No one but Luhan.

He still couldn't get him out of his mind even though he did continue his daily routine of studying. That didn't stop and after a while he got used to the fact that it's harder to focus then it was before. But he also gave up on thinking that he will ever see Sehun again. Something that was supposed to be a good thing, because it meant less distractions that he didn't have time for but it just wasn't. Luhan didn't like the feeling he got whenever he thought about not seeing the boy ever again. But what else is there. It's true. There is no reason for him to see Sehun. So surely he won't.

However he was proved wrong once again.

It was a few weeks after the hospital release and Luhan was just walking home when he felt like someone is watching him, sending a shiver down his spine. It wasn't a nice feeling to have. But once he turned around and met those cold brown eyes the hairs at the back of his neck stood up.

He didn't expect it. He didn't expect to see Sehun just a few feet behind him, eyes boring holes into his skull. But before Luhan could even blink and get over his shock, turned turned around and walked away, leaving the blond boy staring after him with wide confused eyes and a feeling that something is not right. He couldnt put his finger on it but something was wrong. So very wrong.

The next time he saw him he saw the reason why it was so wrong. A whole month has passed and Luhan kept feeling uneasy and constantly looked over his shoulder. He was just about to give up again. Calling what happened before an accident because there is no way that Sehun was stalking him. That just can't be right.

It would have been funny how many times he can be wrong when it comes to Sehun if he wasn't getting more and more terrified.

He almost didn't recognize him the next time. Sehuns hair was pink. Plain pink. Luhan had to blink a few times before he let himself believe that it is him. But he was so much different than the boy he saw in school all those days ago.

The usually hunched shoulders were now straight as he walked with his head held high, but he was also a lot skinnier then before, eyes bloodshot and a lighted cigarette pressed between his lips as he dragged in a smoke. Everything about this boy screamed danger. So much unlike what Luhan saw before. He definitely wasn't the same Sehun anymore.

Even though Luhan never knew him before he could see that by just glancing at him. And it wasn't just from the outside. No. It was so much more. He was different, so much different.

Luhan didnt like it one bit. So he hurried his pace, wanting to get home as fast as possible. The hairs on the back of his neck standing up because the feeling of eyes boring into him weren't at all pleasant.

The next time he started to get really scared. There was something new I those cold brown eyes. A spark of something that sent shivers down Luhans spine. Something that made fear clutch at him and refuse to let go.

That day he stopped going home alone.

A bad feeling at the pit of his stomach didn't go away though and the feeling of eyes on him didn't either. No matter where he was it was there. And it wasn't pleasant. 

Every time he saw Sehun afterwards his eyes were always on him and there was a cigarette between those thin lips but luckily he never tried to get closer then he was. The fear was still there though. Fear that he will one of these days. And he didn't want to know what will happen then.

Luhan hated the haunted feeling he felt every time he saw him and was starting to get annoyed as much as scared. What does Sehun want with him? Why wont he just leave him alone? He didn't know and as more time passed he really didnt want to.

But then again he couldn't take it anymore. The feeling of being on edge all the time was killing him slowly.

And then the notes started and it was just too much.

The first one was waiting for him on his front door when he got home.

**I see you Luhan.**

The other one was in his bag.

**You can't run for me.**

His jacket pocket.

**Just give up and come to me.**

The more notes that he found as days passed the worse it got.

**Im waiting.**

**Im not leaving.**

**Just come to me and everything will be over.**

**Lulu**

**No one can save you.**

**Stop trying to escape.**

**There is no use.**

There were a lot and every one of them scared him as hell. But it wasn't until the last one that his blood turned cold.

Luhan didnt have a lot of friends but the ones he had were mostly like him. Concerned about their future, having good grades, they were just not as concerned about it as Luhan was. They didn't spend a lot of time together either. It weren't very hands on friendships. But then he started spending more and more time with one of them. Xiumin. 

At first he was hanging out with him out of fear of Sehun. Afraid to be alone anywhere. But soon they because really close friends. Maybe it even started turning into something more. But then luhan came home one day to find a note on his door again.

**MINE**

It was just one word but the pen broke paper on a few places from how much it was being pressed against it. It was possessive and terrified Luhan so much he locked himself in his room the rest of the day because he just had a feeling he will come for him.

Nothing happened but it didn't make him feel any better.

The next day in school however he couldn't find Xiumin anywhere and was getting more and more scared to what happened because he wasn't answering his phone either. It was then that he heard the news. There was an accident. A hit and run not that far away from school. A car hit Xiumin. He died on the spot.

Luhan wanted to scream. He knew it was him. He just knew that it can't be anyone else. It wasn't an accident. It was his fault. All his fault.

He wanted to say something. He needed to tell someone because he knew the truth. There was no doubt in his mind that it was Sehun. He wanted to cry and scream but he couldn't do anything but just stare at nothing. 

It was like he expected it to happen. And that was something that hit him worse than anything else. He should have known better then to befriend someone. He shouldn't have dragged anyone into this. He should have known better and now it's too late.

The least he can do is tell someone. That's what he told himself but then he looked out of the window and visibly paled.

Sehun was there. Looking at him with a smirk on his lips. Looking satisfied as he watched Luhan start shaking. Ever so slowly he put a finger over his lips and Luhan understood immediately. Keep quiet or else. 

So he did. He said nothing. And that night he cried himself to sleep and woke up the next morning with a scream.

What has his life become?

The notes stopped then but that didn't make it better either. If anything it made it worse. So much worse.

Sehun has been stalking and scaring him for a yea,r there is no way he would just stop now. That much Luhan was sure of. Something is going on. And whatever it is it can't be good. Not after that last note. It just can't end well.

The next time he came to school there were bags under his eyes from a sleepless night and he was not at all prepared for the test they had that day. He just couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't concentrate on anything anymore.

It's safe to say that he failed, leaving everyone in shock and looking at him like he just grew another head. But all it did to Luhan was for his annoyance to grow even more and decide that it's enough. He cant take it anymore.

Whatever Sehun wants from him can't be worse than this. Even if he really wants to kill him. It can't be worse than living this hell. Nothing can.

Luhan decided to find him right there and then. He decided to put an end to this torture and just give Sehun what he wanted. He decided to give up. So this time, for the first time the tables have turned. Now for the first time Luhan was looking for Sehun. And it didn't take long for him to find him either.

It didn't take long for him to find himself in front of an abandoned looking house that wasn't that far away from Luhan's. Sure that Sehun is there because of the motorcycle that he has seen him with that was parked in front of it. Sehun didn't even try hiding. He was expecting him. The mere thought made Luhan almost turn around and run away again. But no. It's time. It needs to stop.

And so with one last deep breath, he turned the door knob.

The door was unlocked and it opened with no resistance, creaking loudly from age. The sound made Luhan shiver, feeling like he's in a bad horror movie. In the moment right before walking into his death.

The thought made him hesitate for a moment but only a moment. It didn't take any more than a few deep breaths for him to take that first step through the doorway and into the old abandoned house. Taking it all in. The filthiness of the walls that are so far from their original white state, stained by smoke and age and dust. Stained by some things that he didn't even want to know the origin of.

The place was abandoned; it seemed like no one even stepped a foot inside for years. But then you look at the floor and it tells you another story. Thick layer of dust and dirt was covering most of it but there were parts cleaned from it by walking. Indicating that someone really was there. And recently at that.

Sehun.

The thought was both terrifying and somehow at the same time incredibly lightening in a way. Something that Luhan thought he will never feel around the boy but here he was. Walking down an empty and dirty hallway. Avoiding spider webs and mice that seemed to pop out of nowhere. It was hard to believe that someone would actually come there of their own free will. At least while in the condition it was in.

He stopped in his tracks at the sound of rustling from up ahead. It might have just been more mice but he doubted it. It was too loud and he just knew it must be Sehun. Still he found himself hoping it isn't the closer he got. No matter how much he wanted it to end and for Sehun to leave him alone he was still scared. And it didn't seem the feeling will go away any time soon as Luhan's heartbeat started picking up. He was sure Sehun can hear it from the other room by now.

There was an open doorway just a few steps away. Leading into another yellow wall room but this one was different. The rustling was coming from it. Shifting of something definitely bigger then mice. And the closer he got the more he wanted to go back. He could smell the cigarette smoke now. Just three small steps away. 

One step forward. 

An edge of a mattress from inside got into his line of site, still white but looking dirty and warn out.

Did Sehun actually live here? Why? How long has this been going on? The questions found themselves in Luhan's head as he faltered a bit. He couldn't help but wonder why. Couldn't help but hope that maybe he got the wrong place. Maybe he saw wrong and the motorcycle wasn't Sehuns after all but someone elses. The thought somehow felt both good and bad.

Two.

It only took one more step for him to be right at the doorway. Only one more step. His heart seemed like it wants to leap out of his chest and his stomach was in knots. By now he was nervous as much as scared. He had no idea what he's going to do or say. Suddenly walking in there without any kind of plan what so ever seemed like a very bad thing to do. He should have thought this through but it was too late now. He came too far to just turn around now.

Three.

The second he was standing at the entry of the room he stopped and stared at what was in front of him. All hope that he got the wrong place washing away in an instant.

There he was. Sitting on the mattress covered with rustled sheets, some of which were even falling half on the floor. But it wasn't the mess of the whole room that got Luhan's attention though. It was Sehun himself that Luhan suddenly couldn't get his eyes off.

He was shirtless, turned so that his back was half facing the door. Half facing Luhan. Just enough for him to see that his whole back was covered with a tattoo. Black ink and elegant lines twisting and turning, covering pale skin like it was a canvas that needed to be filled. It was a mess really. One of those tattoos that you can stare at for hours on end and still find new things and details you didn't notice before. A bird where you thought a flower was, or maybe just a word written where you thought were only a lot of twists and turns. It was a mess. But it was a beautiful mess. It took Luhan's breath away as he watched Sehun move. His back shifting and with that making the tattoo shift too. Making it change just so.

But as he continued watching, mesmerized by the beauty of ink on pale skin Sehun extended his hand, elbow downwards and palm up. Exposing his bare arm but instead of pale skin Luhan was once again met with black ink. Thats when he noticed that the tattoo continued from his back, over his shoulder and right to the palm of his hand. It was all covered and even from where he was standing Luhan could easily see why. 

There was a row of scars covering Sehun's whole forearm, from wrist to the inside of his elbow. Scar after scar after scar. Cut after cut. All pressed together. One after another. The ink wasn't able to hide it that well. Not when you know what to look for. And Luhan did. Oh he so did. But as his gaze fell on the wrist, on the scar that was deeper than any of the others he found himself hoping he didn't. 

Even after everything he still cared. He cared for Sehun way more then he should. He should hate him. He should want him dead. But no. He couldn't find it in himself to do that. Even after everything, he still didnt want to see the scene he saw all those months ago. He's scared of Sehun but he's also scared for him. He doesn't want to see him covered in blood ever again. Once was enough. Once was more than enough.

There was a syringe in Sehun's hand Luhan noticed then. A syringe that was full. That Sehun was currently pressing to the inside of his elbow where he broke the inked skin and injected the contents of it into his blood stream. Throwing his head back in bliss as he did and making Luhan's eyes widen. 

It was worse than he thought. It was worse than he ever could have dared thought.

"You can come in you know; Luhan." Sehun's voice startled Luhan. Not just because of the fact that he spoke but also because it was the first time ever that he heard it. And he definitely didn't expect the deepness of it. It fit him perfectly. And even though he would never say it aloud Luhan found himself thinking that it's something he could easily get addicted to. He shook the thought away as soon as it came to.

Luhan found out a long time ago that he cares for Sehun way more then he should. Way more than he ever cared for anyone. He wasn't stupid. He knew that fear wasn't the only thing that Sehun awoke inside him. But he will be damned if he ever showed it. Not now. Not ever.

Now wasn't the time. Not when Sehun clearly spoke to him when he couldn't even know he was there could he? He was careful to keep as quiet as possible. To keep the creaking of the floor as minimal as possible but it still didn't seem to be enough. It was never enough when it came to Sehun it seems.

Luhan stayed quiet and unmoving. Not knowing what to do. There in front of him was the reason of his sleepless nights. His fears. His nightmares. But Sehun was also the reason for other kinds of sleepless nights. And no matter how much he scared him that was another thing that he cant go against. Sehun turned his whole world upside down just like that. Was it really that smart to come here? He still doesn't know what he wants with him. Luhan wasn't sure anymore if he wants to know at all.

Silence filled the room. Luhan getting more and more tense as more time passed until Sehun finally moved again. Putting the syringe on a box next to the mattress before slowly turning fully towards Luhan. Exposing his pale flat muscled chest to his line of sight. Something Luhan quickly looked away from but by doing that ended up looking at Sehun's face. Seeing a lit cigarette between those thin lips and a mess of faded pink hair covering his forehead and partly those cold cold eyes. Luhan didn't know if it was a good or a bad thing that he can't see them.

Sehun puffed out a cloud of smoke and took the cigarette from his mouth so he can speak, eyes not wavering from the blond boy standing at the entry way. "Don't worry Luhan" He spoke with a smirk on his lips but somehow his voice was soft even while his eyes looked predatory. "I don't bite. You don't have to stand all the way over there. Come closer."

The voice was softer but still he radiated danger. The smirk, the eyes...Everything about him screamed stay away so Luhan just shook his head and stayed where he was.

"What do you want from me? Why won't you leave me alone?"

"What do I want from you? Well that's easy. Isn't it obvious?" Sehun chuckled more to himself than anyone else as he stood up and stretched his arms over his head, eyes not shifting from Luhan even for a second. Luhan on the other hand didn't find it so amusing or obvious. He was still as confused as ever and the closeness didn't help. "But you know the why is a little more complicated. You see Luhan you are the only one who ever cared."

"What do you mean?" Luhan asked, stepping back reflexively as Sehun stepped towards him.

"That time when I was in the hospital no one came to see me." He said it with a straight face but still somewhere in the cold eyes Luhan could see hurt. Hurt and sadness that Sehun hid again the second it coul'd be seen. Luhan didn't expect to see this. He didnt know what to do so he just let Sehun continue on without a word. "No one cares about me you see. Not my parents not anyone. I never had any friends either. That's why I did it in the first place. I had nothing to live for but loneliness and pain. There was nothing. I knew that no one will come though. I had no delusions that anyone would bother. But you know what? Someone did come. I heard him. I wasn't completely concuse but I heard you clear enough." There was another step forward making Luhan step back again. But this time there was a little bit of hesitation to his movements.

"But why would you do this to me then?" Luhan's voice was shaking but he didn't care anymore. "If Im the only one who cares why would you terrorize me like this? Why would you kill my friend?"

At the mention of friend Sehun's gaze turned as cold as it can be again, it made Luhan's fear to double and for him to step back just to get more distance. Suddenly the room was very very cold.

"Your friend!" Sehun spit the word 'friend' like it is poison. "Your 'friend' wasn't acting as your friend. He didn't want to be just your friend. But I couldn't let that happen you see. You're mine." He growled out, taking another step forwards.

A shiver ran down Luhan's spine at hearing the last part and he took another step back, noticing a moment too late that he cornered himself by doing that seeing that the wall was now right behind him. There was no way of getting away.

Luhan gulped before speaking, his heart hammering in his chest. "I'm not yours."

"But you are Luhan." Sehun grinned in a way that ended up both looking threatening and soft. "You've been mine for the past year. I was just waiting for you to come to me of your own free will. Sorry I got a little...anxious lately. I kind of got tired of waiting." He stepped forward one more time and Luhan could only gulp because he has nowhere else to go. "Which brings us back to your first question doesn't it? What I want from you, was it?" One more step and they were only inches away now what Sehun took into his advantage by bringing a hand up and cherishing Luhan's face. Luhan's eyes were wide and he didn't dare move, not completely sure to what's happening here. "I want you."

The words were like a bucked of cold water bringing him out of his daze, making Luhan finally snap out of it and turn his head to the side. Moving away from Sehun's touch.

This is Sehun in front of him. Being possessive over him. Talking like Luhan is some kind of property. But still all Luhan could think was that this is Sehun. And he wasn't sure if this was a nightmare come true or a good dream, not with those reddened eyes boring into him. Not with the Sehun who just took drugs there right infront of him. 

It became a fight between the mind and the heart. This whole year was.

But Sehun wasn't taking this. He grabbed Luhans forearm hard enough to bruise and pulled him forward. Crashing their chests together, noses almost touching and breaths mixing together. Luhan's skin turned hot where it touched Sehun's and he didn't like it one bit.

This was a stalker. A guy who has been scaring Luhan to death for a year. But no matter how much he wanted to rationalize his heart was saying otherwise. He didn't know what to do anymore. Didn't even know why he came here anymore.

"You're mine Luhan." Sehun whispered into the space between them. "You will always be mine."

And with that he crashed his lips onto Luhan's.

The kiss was rough and possessive. It was Sehun's lips prying Luhan's apart before he was even able to register what was happening. It was the bite on Luhan's bottom lip that left him gasping and with that letting Sehun's tongue invade his mouth, bringing with it the taste of cigarettes and alcohol and something sweet. A sweetness that seemed both out of place and so right at the same time. The kiss was Sehun taking what's his. What was always his.

Luhan tried pushing him away. Tried to pull away but Sehun just held him tighter, his arms bruising his hips with the force of it until Luhan finally gave up. But still he didn't kiss back and that made Sehun growl low in his throat.

He broke the kiss, leaving them both panting but still didn't move even an inch away from Luhan. "Stop resisting Luhan. I know you." He said sharply making the said boy flinch. As soon as he saw that Sehun's eyes softened just a little, melting a little bit of that ice as he pressed his forehead against Luhan's. "I won't hurt you. I know very well that all people can do is hurt others but I won't hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you."

The last part was a whisper. And just as soft as that whisper was so was the next kiss he pressed against Luhan's lips. It was nothing like the last one. And slowly, oh so slowly Luhan found himself kissing back. 

He knew he shouldn't. Sehun isn't good. Sehun is the biggest mistake he can make but his heart won't listen. It was beating like it never did before. He felt awake for what felt the first time after living in endless daze for so long.

The kiss didn't stay soft for log though. Sehun has been waiting for this for way too long. He couldn't help but pry Luhan's lips open again. Taste what he wanted to for the longest time, knowing that it's his. Luhan is his. All his.

Luhan didn't notice how it happened, too lost in the kiss to register anything but soon he found himself on the mattress. His back hitting the soft material, making his eyes open in surprise and stare right into lust darkened brown ones of the boy hovering over him.

However he didnt have the time to protest or say anything as those addicting lips descended on his again. But that didn't stop him from trying.

"Sehun." He pushed him away but it didn't work. Sehun's hands were now roaming over his body and under his shirt, making him moan and ache for more but he can't. He knew exactly what Sehun wanted and he needed to stop him before it was too late. That seemed easier said than done as Sehun's hand found one of his nipples choking a moan out of him again. The other hand was moving lower and Luhan needed to stop him. He needed to stop him now. 

"Sehun no. Stop!" He was pushing Sehun with all of his strength now, trying to make him stop. Trying to make his mind less hazy because if this continues any longer he won't be able to remember why he wants to stop. 

Lucky for him though Sehun did stop. Stilling his hands and disconnecting their lips only to look down at him annoyed.

"No. I wont stop." He said with finality before trying to connect their lips again only to make a grumble because Luhan turned his head to the side. "Luhan!"

"No. I dont even know you. No."

"I dont care." Sehun growled, turning Luhan's head sharply so he was looking at him again. "I know you. Amd you will know me. I'm not waiting anymore." Just like that they were kissing again and Sehun didn't let Luhan be able to protest again. His hands and lips working on making him a withering mess beneath him. One of his hands took both Luhans and pressed them to the pillow over his head to enable him to push him away again. There is no way they are stopping.

Luhan tried protesting but couldn't. Soon Sehuns lips found themselves on Luhans beautiful neck. Sucking and biting on it to leave marks. To show everyone that this boy was his. All his. And Luhan couldn't find it in himself to fight anymore so he just gave up. Gave himself to Sehun just like his body was craving for him too. Like it craved for so long.

Clothes were shed away in record time. Leaving them both bare and moaning at the skin to skin contact.

Luhan was a moaning withering mess beneath Sehun. Not even able to remember his own name. He needed more. He needed more of Sehun now. Sehun wasn't any better but he was able to keep himself sane enough to work Luhan open with his lubbed up fingers. Going as slow as he could, not wanting to hurt him too much. But it still hurt and Luhan was left clutching Sehun's shoulders for dear life, nails digging into the flesh hard enough to draw blood but none of them cared by that point.

"More. Sehun more." Luhan couldn't help but moan, beg, do anything for Sehun to stop staling and get on with it already.

However he regretted that when Sehun finally started pushing in. It was his first time and he felt like he was being ripped apart. It hurt too much. He couldn't take it as he whimpered and screamed into the pillow as tears ran down his face. 

Sehun was in his own world though. He couldn't get enough of the heat and tightness of Luhan as he let out a moan of his name but as he looked down at the trembling Luhan his chest tightened. He kissed away the tears and stilled as he got all the way in, waiting for Luhan to adjust. It didn't take long for him to get the nod to continue and he definitely didn't have to be told twice either.

Moans were echoing through the room soon enough. Sehun finding Luhan's prostate made sure to hit it with almost every thrust and Luhan forgot all about pain as he did and his mind became clouded with pleasure.

They didn't last long. Both of them waiting for this for a year even if maybe both of them didn't know it. Compleatly spent they ended up falling asleep almost instantly after Sehun cleaned them both up with one of their shirts, not caring whose was it.

And so under the nights sky in a filthy house full of mice both boys ended up sleeping in the others embrace. Both sleeping better then they had in a long time. Both finally belonging.

 

The morning sun woke Luhan up. He was always an early riser so it was nothing new. But one thing that was new however was a warm body pressed against him. It made his eyes snap open in surprise and his whole body to tense in even more surprise as he ended up face to face with a sleeping Sehun. Memories of the day before crashing into him like a wave.

What has he done? 

He tried getting away but as soon as he moved he winced from the pain. His whole body was as sore as hell but his lower back was killing him.

"What do you think you're doing?" Sehun's voice reached his ears and he stopped in his tracks already half way off of the mattress. 

Sehun reached for him and pulled him back, making Luhan lie down next to him again.

"I have school Sehun. I have to go." Luhan said even though he couldn't care less about that at this point. He just didn't know what to feel about Sehun and he didn't want to deal with that right then.

"No. I have to tell you something." Sehun said and here was silence again. Luhan waiting for him to continue and Sehun trying to find a good way to say it. But eventually he decided to just say it as it is. "I'm going today. I can't stay in his city anymore. I have to go somewhere else. Luhan tensed next to him but before he could say anything Sehun continued. And I want you to come with me."

Luhan stayed quiet. Really not knowing what to say. He knew what he was supposed to say. He was supposed to say No. he still had school. He had a life here. His family, everything. He can't just leave all that. He can't not finish school. Especially not after everything. He has a plan. This isn't the part of the plan. Sehun was never the part of the plan. But then again here he is. Sehun wasn't part of the plan but here he is.

"Luhan please come with me. I want you. I need you. I don't want to be without you. Not when I just got you."

"But Sehun I can. I have-"

"What? School? Grades? That's not living Luhan. I know. Trust me I know. I was living like that for years but it can't be called living. I live now. No thinking ahead. No consequences. No nothing. No rules. I do what I want and when I want it. And you can too. Live your life Luhan. For the first time ever live your life. Don't let anyone else decide for you or control you. Live your life. Live with me." He finished softly making Luhan snap his head to look at him. To see those cold eyes melting as he looked at Luhan. To see the promises of forever in those eyes. Promises or love. Promises that this wasn't just a onetime thing. 

Sehun sat up, the sheets pooling at his waist and extended his hand towards Luhan, asking silently before voicing it out. "Come with me."

Luhan felt like he is in a daze. He felt lightheaded as he took the offered hand and sat up himself. "Okay." He whispered. "Okay."

 

* * *

 

The door of the crappy hotel room opened and a blond walked in and closed the door before taking his coat off.

"Sehunnie." Luhan grinned widely at his boyfriend as Sehun took of his shoes before walking to where he was half lying on the unmade bed, a lighted cigarette between his lips.

"Hey baby did you wait long?" Sehun asked, sitting down next to the other and taking the cigarette from him so he can peck his lips before taking a drag himself.

"Not really." Luhan responded. "I was reading."

"Good." Sehun gave the cigarette back to Luhan as he took the gun hidden by his belt and put it on the bedside table. 

Luhan eyed it. He got used to it by now but it still made him kind of uneasy even after two years. Even though he did use it himself a few times. "Did you have to use it?"

"Not really." Sehun passed a hand through his newly blond hair as he turned back to Luhan. "They were cooperative and gave me the money so I didnt have to."

"Good. So we can stay here for a week more?" Luhan asked and getting a nod in return smiled. "I love you."

"Love you too baby." Sehun responded and seeing that Luhan was done with his cigarette he took a small bag out of his pocket. "Look what I got you."

Luhan lighted up considerably at seeing it which made Sehun smile in return, something he did a lot around Luhan but never with anyone else. 

Luhan straddled his boyfriend. "Gimme." He said demandingly but Sehun only clicked his tongue.

"A-a. You have to pay for it first." He said playfully and almost immediately felt soft lips on his, making him smile again before returning the kiss that soon turned heated. 

"Gimme and you get a reward." Luhan whispered into his ear seductively, licking the shell of it as he did. 

Sehun didn't have to think twice before giving in and pressing the small bag of white powder into Luhan's palm. Getting another kiss in return before Luhan went to open it. But still not getting up off Sehun's lap.

Luhan changed a lot in two years. Somehow ending up living the same life Sehun did. A life full of robberies, killing and drugs. Always drugs.

He can't remember the exact moment that he said yes for the first time. When was the first time he accepted Sehun offering a bag of something to him. He can't remember but it was months ago, maybe even years. But one thing that he does remember about it is that it was the moment he stopped caring. The moment that he completely and utterly let go.

His plan is now long forgotten. Not ever finishing high school there is no way he can get any job especially a good one. No way he will ever have a stable roof over his head and he doesn't. But he has Sehun. And somehow that's better. That's enough.

They never stay somewhere for long. They steal and kill to get the money to survive. Stay in crappy hotels or abandoned places or sometimes even just sleep under the nights sky. They live in the now because any moment they can die and Luhan is sure they will. One day they will surely be found in the back of an alley or in one of the hotels like this one dead from overdose. Maybe something else will kill them. Maybe something as common as cold weather. But they're alive now. And they're together. And that's enough. That has always been enough. Because they love each other and nothing else matters. If they are going to die tomorrow so be it. But not right now. Right now they're alive.

They have been living like this for two years now. And they will be living like this until it finally catches up to them. But that's okay. They're content with that. They made peace with that.

Luhan used to miss his family but he doesn't anymore. He used to care for his future but he stopped a while ago. He used to worry but now he just lets go. 

Now he lives. He lives with Sehun. He loves. 

And Luhan knows that loving him and going with him was the worst decision of his life. But at the same time he cant help but think that it was the best one too.

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what I'm doing I really don't. I hope you liked it though. Thanks for reading and please leave a comment.


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